I use to say that only getting lost I could find myself, that the way how I found my way back.
I was living out of my mind concerning about my problems and dissatisfaction and I was blind for any kind of solution, to be honest I even don’t know if I was looking for a solution. I used to go out for running or cycling day yes day no, the health of my body was perfect and I used to arrive in my home sweating and tired but I felt unhappy as soon the endorphin level drops. I know that I had my own methods of distracting myself otherwise I would need to do something, I would need to act.
One night I went to my bedroom and before sleep I decided to watch some movie to distract my mind, while I was picking one title something wrong happened to me. I felt dizzy my vison has darkened and I started to sweating a lot. I had no clue what was happen. I closed my notebook, lay down and started to cry, in that moment nothing has made sense in my life, be there breathing laying in my bed, wake up in the next day, meet people, work, anything. I lost my purpose of being alive. I was having a panic attack.
I slept and had a nightmare about good and evil fighting trying to control my body and my mind.
I woke up in the next morning and had a conversation with my young brother, I realized that I was needing some help.
In the next day I decided to go to the beach alone, I grabbed my notebook and a bottle of wine. I sat at the porch with my computer, opened my wine and fill one glass. I stayed there looking to the computer screen and suddenly tears started to pouring down.
Then I wrote down on the computer. I am lost, I am lost in 40`s.
There’s where the project that you follow today started. Lost in my age of 40’s. In the next morning I decided to change all my life, I left all the things that I built and that did not make me happy and left.
It wasn’t easy, I had lots of suffering along the way and took me time to understand some trues so clear in front of my eyes that I refused to accept it was part of that life that I left behind. Little by little I was saying goodbye to that old format, old thoughts and manners and even some people.
I received harsh criticism for making this decision to stop living a life of standards and risking a new lifestyle, but I did not miss what I left. Some losses were hard and I suffered for them but they were gone.
Sometime later I began to rebuild my life and I felt stronger and stronger. I realized then that there was something different about me, I started to smile again, I felt light and in peace, like awake for a new reality and understanding a bit more about myself, being lost and with no purpose has turned into an insane desire to lose myself more and more exploring the world, listening to stories, touching people and expanding my 5 senses to the top.
Two points were fundamental for this change, faith and courage. Faith means you have no doubt and I have no doubt about me. Courage to leave the past, to release the comfort zone and find out what was reserved for me outside the box, I add here a little bit curiosity I confess.
I gathered everything and got lost in the world, I was afraid but I decided to go anyway and guess what I found?
I want help you to do the same.
Lost in 40’s